Kikker Hardknock

USA - motorcycle - 125cc

I have never ridden one of these but I dig the concept and geometry. I’ve also seen them in a broad variety of looks, and they have recently introduced a fat-tired 200cc/250cc version though I would want a sturdier frame to offset the torque increase (not to mention that being a solo-seater only the 125cc qualifies as a BRAT). My only reservation (as usual) is the auto clutch/suicide shifter, but I understand the old-school ethos and that production cost necessitates the inexpensive Chinese-built auto-clutch motor. A manual Japanese motor of similar displacement must be salvaged from a used bike (Japanese motorcycle engines cannot be purchased new) so there would be a greater cost involved and doubtless some modifications required to the frame, but as this is sold as a kit (VIN #’s and reg are the customer’s responsibility) you could conceivably bolt on any motor you desired. It is very complicated to build a motorcycle frame from scratch and most frame-builders do not do custom jobs as it requires producing a jig which is cost prohibitive on one-off orders...so...if you want to build a small-displacement custom chopper consider buying this kit and enhancing it with a manual-clutch left-side-shifter bulletproof last-you-a-lifetime engine made in Japan that you've pinched from a secondhand small-displacement dirt or streetbike. Whew, does all that make sense?

Honda FTR

Japan - motorcycle - 250cc

This is Honda brilliance through and through but with a nice naked-flattrackerish imalgamation of dirt & street without being a motard. It rides great, very stable on chunky dual-sport tires, economical on gas and carries a pillion easily with it’s strong tried & tested bulletproof 250 engine. Additionally it doesn’t stand as tall as a motard so you can flatfoot the pavement at stop lights. It also comes in nice colors like this pale slate blue. Again, unfortunately, it has a limited availability worldwide which is puzzling considering the guaranteed appeal this thing would have on the US market. It seems that manufacturers forget the majority of US motorcyclists only travel short distances on their machines; very few bikers are interstaters or trans-ammers and therefore would love the availability of cool looking rides to commute or cafe-hop or take birds home on after scoring at the bar.

POWER:WEIGHT:MPG paradox.

Figuring out how much gasoline a motorcycle will use before we buy it can be quite difficult. Because I’m a regular guy I’m going to try and explain it in my everyman terms. In regular POWER:WEIGHT calculations POWER refers to horsepower and WEIGHT (obviously) to the weight of the machine. By plugging in our motorcycle’s numbers on a chart we get a dependable numerical outcome (that usually only means something to an engineer). But there is no mathematical equation combining POWER (or displacement) and WEIGHT that can predict its MPG. Case in point: a 1200cc 4-cylinder VMax weighing 600lbs with 150hp gets about 35mpg. One might assume that by halfing the engine numbers you’d get double the mileage, that a 650cc 2-cylinder Yamaha V Star at a quarter of the hp should get at least 70mpg! And again, a 250cc Suzuki TU at 20hp should get about 140mpg. Right? Wrong. The V Star gets about 50mpg and the TU about 80mpg. Ok, less than we thought, but the rise in mpg still seems to be about 40% for each time we half the displacement, isn’t that some sort of an equation? With this rule we’d therefore expect a 125cc single-cylinder Honda to get 120mpg. But wrong again, Honda makes a 125cc single-cylinder motorcycle with 8hp (sold only in Asia naturally) that does 60mph and gets 150mpg! I know because I own one. (It also only cost me $1,000 new, but thats another issue.) So there’s an all-too-frequent anomaly that makes us ask, um, why? Basically it’s about engineering. At one end of the scale you have the manufacturers that have barely upgraded their century-old underpowered overweight designs (Harley, Enfield, Triumph) and guzzle gas like there’s no tomale...and at the other end you have rocket scientists like Honda who tweak their motors annually to maximize performance and efficiency. One end is agricultural, the other state of the art. How else could open class races be won by 125cc Japanese bikes when you have monster European and American liter bikes that should by all appearances take home the trophy? How else could you drive your Honda Cub for 200 miles on a gallon of gas? How else could you ride your old Kawa Z900 for 100,000 miles with barely more than oil change for maintenance. How else could you crank your 80cc saki-cycle to 139mph on the Bonneville Flats? Hmmm. Engineering. Manufacturers in Asia know that most of their customers buy their machines for utilitarian purposes and operate on a household budget in countries where oil is not subsidized, and furthermore those customers want to ride those bikes for 20 years and pass them on to their children. Mechanical excellence is the goal or they simply wouldn’t sell. The customer’s always right, remember. So “is it a conspiracy?” you ask. Only in that we are not told by manufacturers about what is not available to us, and we are too ignorant to create the demand. We need to get self-informed about what’s available technologically (as we do with phones and other gadgets) and once we do get smart and start demanding they will produce for us too. Oh, and we have to discard this ridiculous “bigger is better” notion or we’ll soon discover we really missed out on some amazing machines and spent way too much of our hard-earned salaries fueling antiquated ploughs.

ZERO S

USA - motorcycle (auto) - electric (equivalent 250cc)

I have to say, never needing to stop for gas (as long as you keep your rides to 50 miles or under) and the availability of a Federal tax credit + a sales tax discount adds to the appeal of an all electric motorcycle. This from ZERO is an all-round super space age motard (they also do a dirt and dual sport model) on paper looks like a brilliant trend-setter. I have 2 reservations however, lack of clutch and range. A clutch for me is about control and safety, without it I get apprehensive. The ability to disengage the motor from the drivetrain with a simple lever has largely been the appeal of driving/riding since the advent of motorized transport. Secondly, I’m a long-range biker and will sit in the saddle for a 500 mile day without a second thought, only stopping for fuel and re-hydration...what would a high plains drifter like me do if 4-hour breaks were required every 50 miles or so? Battery trading stations would do the trick but would require a one-size-fits-all cell design...doable? If the electric car & bike designers figure out these two issues I’m on board for the latter. Short of that it is a cool looking machine with a very impressive spec sheet - having built bikes from scratch I can see they have cut no corners, this puppy is state-of-the-art and I would love to test-ride one if the opportunity arose. I should postscript and say if I was simply commuting to-and-from work this would be high on my list of choices even at 10k. There should be no expense spared for sparing the environment for our children to enjoy too!

Derbi DH2

Spain - bicycle/motorcycle hybrid - 100cc

This curious little mischief-maker is listed as a “concept” bike on the Derbi website - not sure why when it seems the design & construction are already complete and by and large relatively straight forward. Mountain bike + engine = DH2. It doesn’t get simpler than this and at a proclaimed 88lbs no lighter either. This thing should really shift! However, unless they are aiming at the non-motorcylist market they should bring out a manual version - in it’s current state it’s a bit of a manly virgin - and no gearhead worth his salt is likely to partake. There are some stellar 100cc manual-tranny engines around, most notably the honda CRF, that could turn this thing into a serious cross-country maniac and get 130mpg. This has all the makings of a genuine BRAT, let’s hope Derbi get the finger out.

Suzuki GZ250

Japan/USA - motorcycle - 250cc.

This is an overweight cruiser with a great engine (a Bigboy but with no-kickstart sadly) that would get much better gas-mileage if it’s fatbody were put on a diet. However, it’s a handsome cycle as-is in stock condition and available on the US market for one dollar under $4,000. Trim some extraneous metal for a chop but you gotta keep the two-up seat if you want to qualify for the 125cc per person BRAT ethos! Yeah, great engine, one of the best.

Not always right but always sure.

As I wipe the oily black film of crud from my desk top, screen and keyboard this morning and cough up some phlegm - a daily routine - I am reminded of my loathing of the automobile, how it has choked our planet, how it kills one billion birds and mammals every year (fact) on American roads, how it has changed the topography of our communities with highways that scar and divide, how it removes us from a sense of responsibility as it indiscriminately flattens innocents in it's path. Just yesterday from my balcony I watched two girls on a scooter squashed by a careless driver, it was deemed an accident but had the driver used a gun so recklessly he'd have gotten manslaughter. Someone gets shot and everyone wants to ban handguns, but cars are unrivaled as a dangerous weapon, they rank high under the definition of a WMD and yet no one lobbies for their ban. Yet somehow, mysteriously, they are forgiven for every hazard they wreak. As I write this the Gulf of Mexico is filling up with black gold (and I use the word “gold” to remind us of the collateral damage wrought in it’s mining), poisoning everything in it's path, and as it enters the gulf stream everyone along the coast is crying about the impact on their livelihood, and blaming Britain as if US oil companies don’t have accidents, as if the US didn’t contract the drilling in the first place, as if US citizens aren’t themselves using the oil! For every finger we point, we point 3 back at ourselves. We are all looking for someone to blame as our eastern seaboard dies in front of our eyes, but I'll bet every one of those blamers and moaners drives a car or a truck, so cuss their hypocrisy, they must examine themselves for culpability. It's only the non-car owners who can bitch about this. Car owners feed the greed of companies like BP. Get a bicycle or a BRAT recommended bike and cut your personal oil consumption by 300%. No excuses, now, now, now! I may not always be right but I’m always sure!

Suzuki Grasstracker/Bigboy

Japan - motorcycle - 250cc

The Bigboy version of this is a customiser’s dream. Of all the 250’s is has the best power-to-weight ratio (in part because it uses the engine as a stressed component), a kick/electric start single-cylinder air-cooled engine with a decompression lever that makes for effortless kickstarting, very pretty lines (tank et al) and lots of torque from a dual combustion chambered single pot. I chopped mine down to 100kgs (see Original B.R.A.T.)) and get 20hp of very responsive growl at the throttle. But I also rode her for 3 years as a stocker and never had so much as blip in performance. 10 out of 10.

Honda Ape 50/100

Japan - motorcycle - 50/100cc

If they imported this bike to the States I predict Honda would land 3 million sales in the first year. This is probably the best mini motorcycle on the market, anywhere. The Ape is the ultimate city buster - fully manual 5-speed, hyper fuel efficient (120mpg), slimline, full blown potholing suspension, park it anywhere and take it up the elevator to your apartment at night. For the beginner wanting to learn real motorcycle-riding techniques in a holistically enjoyable way (and relative safety...not too big, not too powerful) nothing beats it - all the right bits in the right places in a muscular little package. And for the advanced rider think of it as that wee stallion in your stable that gets you back in form and irons out all the sloppiness you’ve acquired at your desk during the day - guzzle down a cup o' high test joe on the way home and you'll be so buzzed & enamored by the time you walk through your door your partner will think you've been cheating!

Flag at half mast.

Today I want to honour two motorcyclists who have fallen in the line of duty: Martin Loicht from Austria and Paul Dobbs from New Zealand. Both were racing at the Isle of Man TT - arguably the most treacherous course currently raced in motorcycle sports – which requires a warriors courage to brave. According to the BBC, Loicht was fatally injured at the Quarry Bends and Dobbs died in an accident at Ballagarey, both on Thursday June 10th. Anyone who goes whilst riding must be lauded for going out with their boots on, and envied for being deeply thrilled right up until their final moment. I offer my sincerest condolences to families and friends left behind. RIP. Ride In Peace brothers. Heal up soon wishes to Conor Cummins and Guy Martin who both spilled at the race, and respect to record-breaker Ian Hutchinson for taking home five wins. Anyone who has never watched the Isle of Man TT has to see it to believe it, even on tv it's not for the feint hearted.

Yamaha V-Star

Japan/USA - motorcycle - 250cc

Very hard to beat this bike (same same as the Virago, but they just renamed it for the US market) and every available online owner-review agrees. A tried and proven air-cooled v-twin (the only 250cc V on the market) that’s tough and old as donkeys, boasts excellent fit & finish and will last you a lifetime. It has to be said this is a fine looking little BRAT just as it stands, love the pullback bars and forward-set pegs: only weirdness is a strange exhaust rerouting Yamaha have done to equalize pipe-length and subsequent back pressure to the cylinders. Roadburner.com offer a set of sweet looking all-black pipes for this bike that'll boost audio and give you a genuine working 2-into-2 exhaust system, but you will have to rejet the carb to make sure it stays running true. Other than that, kickass little machine which will also chop great - take your grinder to it and start whacking off for your own custom mad max look. Remember, it’s not what you ride but how you personalize it that makes you stand out from the crowd. Or, if you just want a cool, start-every-time a-z bike without breaking any speed limits then this is your mount!

Kawasaki Ninja 250

Japan/USA - motorcycle - 250cc

The majority of sportbike riders have eyes bigger than their stomachs, apart from a few who really know their machines and their limits. But most new sportbike purchasers overestimate their abilities and underestimate the potential of what they buy. They forget that these bikes are essentially rockets built for a flat black ribbon of tarmac with no loose gravel, no cars or trucks to navigate around, no wet patches, no potholes and with hay bales flanking the margins in case you spill. On such a speedway that bike can really be opened up and enjoyed...but you put that machine on a public road with every conceivable hazard known to biking-man and you're either ending up dead, relieved of your license or permanently frustrated. There is nothing worse than trotting on a stallion who wants to gallop. This is why Harleys have such a devout following: for huge engines they are shamefully underpowered, and from every angle they are decidedly farmyard, but their popularity stems from these two factors. You can roll that throttle all the way back and make a ton of noise and re-live your childhood tractor fantasies and feel like your propelling at warpspeed through your imaginary universe...but in actual fact you're only going 50. I know, crotchrocket riders laugh mockingly. It is the greatest con on the road, but goddamit I'll be buggered if it isn't one of the most lucrative. You do that on your Japanese litre bike and you're fugged! Solution: buy a Ninja 250 and ride it to its maximum potential on every back country twisty you can find. You'll love every minute in the saddle, you'll still get enough adrenaline to buzz like a chainsaw, and you won't be half as likely to end up roadkill or losing your license (which for a biker is worse than death!). These bikes are simply awesome, trust a Brat.

Suzuki TU250

Japan/USA - motorcycle - 250cc

As you'll know by now, I'm not a bike-ist. I love all bikes (pretty much) equally. Or at least I can see the redeeming qualities in them even if they're not my cup o' tea. Sure, I have a penchant for choppers and bobbers, ratted out rascals with apehangers all painted black and crusted with road-grime (I never wash my bikes as I like to gaze on the stains and fondly reminisce), but actually I just love to ride 'em all, I'm a bit of a slut that way. Anyway, this little slapper is a recent import to the US (must be the economic crisis, EPA knows it has to get with the program and approve better mpg rides). Tried and proven 250 engine gives great performance - in fact it's almost the same engine as I have in the original B.R.A.T. - and can handle 2-up no problem if your pillion is trim. And actually this bike has a nice figure too, just enough of the utilitarian to look retro and only what you need to make it go all splashed in a pretty red paint. Personally I'd chop the shite out of it and stick clip-on bars on, but that's my sickness. I've ridden the equivalent of this bike in Asia for years and it roks! Buy it and go, that's the beauty of Japanese.

Honda VTR

Japan - motorcycle - 250cc

Love this bike with it’s shameless naked monster styling...and why not, Ducati missed the boat here. If this bike is for sale in your country buy it and ride the pistons out of it, guaranteed you'll have more BRAT fun on public roads with this than any of your fancy half or full litre bikes!

BRAT Hustler

USA - motorcycle - 100cc

I designed this badass scalliwag too. Built by Machinehead Cycles in Redhook NY (3 very talented gearheads with outside-the-box thinking and skills to match). Modified dirtbike frame, 99cc kick-start Honda engine, custom solo seat, battery box, laced rims, custom fenders, lights, digital speedo/odom and a brit-bike bullet muffler from the UK. US street-legal. Riding this hooligan makes one feel deeply, brilliantly rebellious...probably much the way the first Angels felt, fresh back from war, mental hobos unable to fit back in, on dirty home-modified hogs, scaring the bejesus outa upstanding citizens..ah, the good 'ol days.

Vespa GTV 250ie

Italy - scooter - 250cc.

I was never a big fan of scooters (trail & rake & lack of 4-sided frame make for intrinsic instability) but this has to be patted on the back (or seat, or ass, or somewhere) for surviving the tests of time and still looking good. My mother rode one of these through the alps in the 1950’s and she still looks great too so maybe it’s genetics, who knows, but god love the Italians for their devotion to beautiful forms.

Honda Cub/Little Cub

Japan - scooter - 50cc, 70cc, 90cc.

Comes in many colors, and just cute as a button especially in it's round headlight, metal fender configuration. It’s also been around (unchanged) for decades (since 1958) and has propelled more folks (60 million plus) through life than the McDonald’s Bigmac. Sadly it seems these proverbial mules (used as everything from moto-taxis to cargo-carriers) are not sold new outside Japan but can be found second hand pretty much anyplace. I have a 1966 model I found for $300 in upstate NY. Oil companies hate them: the 49cc model get 200mpg! Brilliance epitomized, with a body made from stamped steel and steeped in style she’s a stalwart steed.

Honda Rebel

Japan/USA - motorcycle - 250cc

For a twin 250cc this is (almost) my numero uno choice. This bike roks the planet and has done since it’s birth 23 years ago. Tougher than nails, cute as a kitten, but again...this can be chopped into a maniac badass so don’t be fooled by it’s puppy dog demeanor, underneath lies a hooligan’s heart! Parallel twin offers weight advantage, equal cooling of cylinders and - with the right pipe - a throbbing brit-bike growl.

Kawasaki KSR

Japan - motorcycle w/ auto clutch - 110cc

This is one tough little bugger to find but flux me sideways, I’ve owned alot of bikes and this one almost (I said almost) steals the show. Dynamite! Traffic jams are a thing of the past, potholes are ramps for jumps, pedestrian-stares are green with envy (hence the coloring). This thing burns more adrenaline than gasoline. They have a whole host of aftermarket and race add-ons that only further enhance the pleasure (mine’s all black with a race pipe) - this Bike truly is for Rascals Addicted to Trouble. Buy one yesterday and never ever sell it.

The Original B.R.A.T.

Japan/Cambodia - motorcycle - 250cc.

This is a chopped-down Suzuki Grasstracker with Honda Chaly bars and fenders from 1978 fished out of the Russian Market in Phnom Penh. Frame & seat are modified from original. Wheels and disc brakes are from a Kawasaki KSR, pipe is a modified racing unit for pit-bikes...so it has quite a growl which lets people know your coming. The loud pipe thing really isn't a myth, it'll save your proverbials time and time again, or, get a truck horn attached, anything to warn people you're coming down the road when they pull out in front. And to hell with the neighbors, 2 friends of mine have died in T-bones and I'm not making it 3. Changed out the rear sprocket to give it longer legs, very nice and torquey, gets about 90mpg.

BRAT glossary of terms.

Just for clarification...the BRAT definitions for Motorcycle, Moped, Scooter and Mini-bike are as follows. A Motorcycle can have any size of engine displacement but qualifies by having a manual clutch, plain and simple. A Moped is a term no longer really applicable to modern manufacturing as it requires the use of pedals originally designed to turn-over a small displacement engine (or help you up hills) usually attached to little more than a bicycle frame. We'll probably never review one of these. A Scooter has an auto-clutch and/or transmission and the chassis is of step-through design. Some Scooters use a Motorcycle body type (eg. Kawasaki KSR) so it gets confusing because they are in fact hybrids, but BRAT determines in these cases that if you can grasp the tank between your knees as you ride then it gets the upgrade status to Motorcycle. A Mini-bike, well, that's self explanatory: tiny, usually non street-legal bikes invariably with auto-clutches/transmissions usually used for pit racing or goofing around in your back yard. There are however mini-bike gangs that have our support for their anarchic terrorizing of quiet urban neighborhoods late at night waking folks and dodging cops...please send pics if you have ever witnessed such heroic acts!

Honda Benly 50S/90S

Japan - motorcycle - 50cc/90cc/125cc.

A charming little manual clutch 1-down 3-up classic that now has cult status and organised clubs of devotees worldwide. Sadly I cannot find evidence that this bike is currently built though I have seen it secondhand in a variety of displacements over the years all the way up to 200. This is a truly beautiful machine and would advise hunting down a larger engined version or badgering Honda to reintroduce a full line-up to satisfy our range of motorcycling needs and cravings!